Alexandr S.

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I love a good whip, handcuff, and mask, so I had high hopes for the Fetish Lover's Fantasy Kit. Such high hopes, in fact, that I brought it to a booty call/partying/snowboarding weekend in Queenstown, a concept of such fabulousness that anything less than the best fetish gear would not suffice.

This is much, much less than the best fetish gear. This is to the best fetish gear as playing Skyrim is to actually having a social life. The mini flogger was the cheapest-looking and-feeling piece of tat I have ever seen. There was no satisfying smack, just the sad sound of cheap vinyl trying and failing to penetrate thin air. When my Queenstown Booty Call (henceforth known as QBT) hit me with it, the only way I could tell he was whipping me was from the lingering stench of synthetic textile.

The handcuffs fared slightly better - despite the prominent "Made In China" label, they did at least function as intended. According to a cop who was also staying with us, they were "an ok set of cuffs, but definitely more Castle St rioter' than Palmerston North P fiend'." The mask looked like something you'd buy for $4.99 at the airport Whitcoulls along with noise-cancelling headphones when you notice an unpleasantly high proportion of screaming toddlers in the departure lounge. Economy class air travel
= not sexy.